Gay Guru® Blog

Mean Boys

Posted by on Aug 18, 2017 in Weekly Column | 2 comments

Most of us remember them from high school those jock, and cheerleader, types whose sole function seemed to be making the lives of the rest of us miserable. Ever notice that same behaviour among gay men. I certainly have. This month I want to explore why those men are like that, and why we don’t need to tolerate it. I’m not talking about physical abuse, bur rather verbal nastiness, shunning, or shaming. Whether it’s based on age, looks, race, fashion sense, or perceived masculinity, the negative slogging that many gay men dish out is...

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The Viral Divide

Posted by on Jul 16, 2017 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

In this month’s post we’ll be looking at HIV, the stigma still associated with the disease, an the unfortunate attitudes on both sides of the infection fence that are dividing our community. I happen to be HIV Negative. I don’t wear that as some badge of honour. It is simply a medical fact. The title of this post also happens to be the name of a flash collective which sought to address the strained relationships between positive and negative men. They covered everything from race,  and privilege, to the science driving the new HIV landscape....

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What do You Think About God?

Posted by on Jun 16, 2017 in Weekly Column | 8 comments

OK, let me clarify that question. I’m not asking about your negative experiences with religious organizations, or people. We’ve all had enough of those. I’m asking where you stand on the idea of a creator. Does that concept have meaning for you? I’ll get us started. I practice the ancient African tradition called Ifa. I believe that there is an infinite consciousness that underlies everything that exists in the Universe. In Ifa we call this consciousness Olodumare, the best English translation is simply God. In my view God is an impersonal...

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Are You Bi-Phobic and Proud?

Posted by on May 13, 2017 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

From time to time I run a Facebook campaign to attract more bisexual guys to our community. One of my goals with Naked Gay Men is to build bridges between gay and bisexual men. I find the number of rabid comments, ignorant rants, and un-likes, that I receive from other gay men shocking. If anyone thinks it’s OK to hate  I’m not sure he gets what this community is about. Some men believe that this community, and by extension Gay Guru (meaning me), should be for gay men only. I’ve never understood why gay men are proud of their bi-phobia. Hate...

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What’s Your Relationship Style – Part 2

Posted by on Apr 17, 2017 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

This is part 2 of my posts about relationship styles. I’ll share my experiences, as well as talk about how to handle the topic with your man.  I’ve been in monogamous relationships, wildly open ones, and others in between. They taught me three important things. Be open, experiment if it feels right, and be honest about how it feels. Monogamy is easier for me. I’m comfortable with it. I like its emotional simplicity. I’ve been in two long-term open relationships. One ended because I was bored of playing around, and he wasn’t. The second...

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What’s Your Relationship Style?

Posted by on Mar 15, 2017 in Weekly Column | 3 comments

I’m exploring relationship styles for the next two posts. It is one of the most important things for gay men to consider when they are looking at compatibility. We need to know what we want, and how to communicate it. Too many men are not honest about what they’re doing outside their relationship. But, being honest about what we need helps us in decide. early on, if he’s Mr. Right. Let’s explore some options. I’ve tried a number of relationship styles. They’ve always been simple couplings. The idea of a polyamorous relationship is entirely...

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Gay and Racist

Posted by on Feb 18, 2017 in Weekly Column | 2 comments

I’ve talked a lot lately about how ageist gay culture is. But what about race? The majority of images we see are not only young, but white. That in itself might not mean much, but any gay man of colour will tell you that racism is a big issue in our community. As an oppressed minority some gay men believe it doesn’t count when they spew racist comments. Things like “No Asians” on hookup profiles, phrases like “dinge queen”, are racist, make no mistake. Many of us consider the fetishizing of minority men completely acceptable. We’ve...

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As Time Goes By

Posted by on Jan 16, 2017 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

I’ve been running a campaign asking men how they feel about ageing. Is ageing really harder for gay men? Is that just a myth? Based on the number of men talking about their struggles it is at least partly true. But, there are a lot of guys who’ve been talking about how well they’re embracing getting older. Attitude is the main difference between them. While both the positive, and negative, perspectives on ageing are diverse the men who feel they can benefit from the process are faring much better. Robi Ludwig in “Your Best Age is Now”,...

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Sexual Identity

Posted by on Dec 15, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

Our sexuality landscape is shifting. For millennials self-identifying is key. For many of us the idea is perplexing so I thought I’d explore it and shed some light on the advantages it can, eventually,  bring us. It’s eventually because we’re not there yet. Trump’s America is likely to be proof of that. For now, coming out is still a very important gesture in many circles, sports for instance. One day it will no longer be necessary. I feel a twinge of sadness at that thought. But,  wouldn’t it be wonderful if sexuality wasn’t an issue?...

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Our Role as Elders

Posted by on Nov 16, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

In a culture that throws away it’s elderly, in a community that thinks life is over at forty, how do we find relevance as older gay men? I propose that we move into the natural role that older members of communities played for millennia In our consumer culture companies have learned to capitalize on our desire to be young for ever. They have led us to believe that only the young have value. Looking young is great as a bi-product of healthy, mind, body and spirit. Aimlessly chasing youth is a never ending battle that only brings misery. I...

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