Gay Guru® Blog

As Time Goes By

Posted by on Jan 16, 2017 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

I’ve been running a campaign asking men how they feel about ageing. Is ageing really harder for gay men? Is that just a myth? Based on the number of men talking about their struggles it is at least partly true. But, there are a lot of guys who’ve been talking about how well they’re embracing getting older. Attitude is the main difference between them. While both the positive, and negative, perspectives on ageing are diverse the men who feel they can benefit from the process are faring much better. Robi Ludwig in “Your Best Age is Now”,...

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Sexual Identity

Posted by on Dec 15, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

Our sexuality landscape is shifting. For millennials self-identifying is key. For many of us the idea is perplexing so I thought I’d explore it and shed some light on the advantages it can, eventually,  bring us. It’s eventually because we’re not there yet. Trump’s America is likely to be proof of that. For now, coming out is still a very important gesture in many circles, sports for instance. One day it will no longer be necessary. I feel a twinge of sadness at that thought. But,  wouldn’t it be wonderful if sexuality wasn’t an issue?...

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Our Role as Elders

Posted by on Nov 16, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

In a culture that throws away it’s elderly, in a community that thinks life is over at forty, how do we find relevance as older gay men? I propose that we move into the natural role that older members of communities played for millennia In our consumer culture companies have learned to capitalize on our desire to be young for ever. They have led us to believe that only the young have value. Looking young is great as a bi-product of healthy, mind, body and spirit. Aimlessly chasing youth is a never ending battle that only brings misery. I...

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Finding Love in the Age of Grindr

Posted by on Oct 16, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

This month I’m writing about finding a long-term relationship in a world where hookup apps are the norm. Not everyone is looking for a quick lay. Some men are bored with sex as sport, others are unsatisfied with the sex they’ve been having and are looking for something else. Sometimes your feelings are pushing you in the right direction. At others, not. On the positive side you could be ready for something different. But, it’s possible that shame is interfering with your enjoyment of sex. If you suspect emotional issues are the cause of your...

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Growing Up Gay

Posted by on Sep 8, 2016 in Weekly Column | 2 comments

This month we’re going to talk about growing up gay contrasting what gay teens, and young men, are experiencing now with what I went through in the 70’s. Great strides have been made but, many accounts from young men tell a sad and familiar story. I was 15 in 1976 when I started coming out. I was attending a large, inner city high school. It was scary. The bullying started long before I came out, but, escalated afterwards. I had rocks thrown at me. I was pissed on in a bathroom stall. High school became a living hell. There was no one to turn...

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The Gay Guy’s Guide to Bi Guys

Posted by on Jul 25, 2016 in Weekly Column | 2 comments

This month we’re talking about bisexual men. I’m not bi, but, I’m not a “gold star” (a gay man who has never slept with a woman) either. Many gay men use that term as a badge of honour. I think it’s offensive. There is a common misperception that there are more bisexual women than men. Likely because in our male dominated culture it’s considered more acceptable. We seem to want men to be absolute, you either like men, or women. If you can’t decide you appear weak. Men aren’t supposed to be flexible....

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Posted by on Jun 28, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

After an emotional session with my spiritual community last night I decided that I was ready to write this post. I read some stories so I would feel closer to my own feelings about what happened at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando Florida in the early hours of Sunday June 12th. I feel that it is my responsibility as a voice in our community to speak out. I don’t need to speak about homophobia and gun violence. There are more than enough people out there doing that. Instead I want to speak out against hate. It is easy, perhaps even comforting,...

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Dating, Partnering, and Your Family

Posted by on May 27, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

So you’re out to your whole family. Everyone is dealing. Some people are handing it better than you thought they would. Others, not so much. Accepting you is one thing, accepting your relationship may be another. Seeing you with another man is an adjustment. I know many gay men who have never brought a man home to meet mom. There are times when it makes sense to leave that closet door closed. How out you want to be is totally up to you. It is ultimately for you, and your partner to decide. My challenge didn’t come from being with a man. My...

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Coming Out as a Lifelong Process

Posted by on Apr 28, 2016 in Weekly Column | 0 comments

When most people talk about coming out they’re referring to the process of telling people about your sexuality. That opening can span over many years. But, it’s also just the start of a journey that lasts a lifetime. For men who are gay, or bi, or wherever you might be on that spectrum, coming out is a theme. Because of pressure from society, family, peers, religion, you learned to be shameful of your sexuality, and to hide it. But it isn’t the only thing that you hid in that closet. Anything that you thought might rock the boat, make other...

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Do You Really Want to Know? Guest Post by Jim Joseph, Out and About Dad

Posted by on Mar 31, 2016 in Guest Articles, Weekly Column | 0 comments

Where do you start? What do you say? Should you bring props? I’m sorry, but telling your kids that you are gay is never easy. I’ve spoken to a lot of dads through the years, and the feeling is universal. It’s one of the most terrifying moments a person can ever face. Sometimes it’s almost impossible to face it. I guess in a way I was lucky. When I got divorced and came out, my children were still young. Really young. There’s no way that they even understood separate households let alone separate lives let alone divorce let alone the fact that...

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